In this article
How to choose wedding music when you don’t have “our song”
Not every couple has "our song".
Some people met at a gig and have a track that has followed them around for years. Some have a first-dance song decided before they are even engaged. Others stare blankly at each other when somebody asks what their song is.
If you are in the third group, you are not missing anything.
You do not need to manufacture a romantic backstory for a piece of music just because wedding planning websites tell you that every song has to represent your entire relationship.
Start with music you actually like
This sounds painfully obvious, but wedding planning can make people choose music they would never normally listen to.
If neither of you has played a string quartet recording voluntarily in your life, you do not suddenly have to become obsessed with Pachelbel because you are getting married.
Likewise, if you love rock, dance music, film scores, indie, Irish music or 90s pop, there will usually be a way of making that part of the day without it feeling like a novelty act.
The violin is particularly good for this because stripping a song back to the melody can completely change its character. Something that sounds huge or aggressive in the original can become surprisingly elegant. Something simple can become much more emotional once the vocal line is played live.
Think about people and memories rather than "the relationship"
A song does not need to be the song.
It might remind you of a holiday, a parent, a night out, a film you both love, university, a band you always go to see or something ridiculous that makes you both laugh.
Those connections are often more genuine than trying to find lyrics that perfectly describe marriage.
You can also use different parts of the day for different kinds of choices. The entrance might be something emotional. The signing could include a song linked to family. The exit can simply be something that makes everybody grin.
Not every piece has to carry the full weight of the day.
Decide how you want the moment to feel
If you are completely stuck, forget titles for a minute.
For the entrance, do you want people to go quiet and feel the emotion, or do you want something confident and uplifting?
For the signing, do you want recognisable favourites in the background, or something softer that does not demand attention?
For the exit, do you want elegant, celebratory, cheeky or properly big?
Those descriptions give me far more to work with than "we like a bit of everything". Everybody likes a bit of everything until somebody puts death metal next to Disney and calls it a playlist.
Do not choose a song just because the title looks romantic
Lyrics can be deceptive.
There are songs that have become wedding standards despite being about break-ups, affairs, regret or relationships going spectacularly wrong. That does not automatically mean you cannot use them. If you love a song, use it.
But if the lyrics matter to you, read them before committing because the title alone is not always a reliable guide.
Instrumental music gives you a bit more freedom here. Once the vocal is removed, the melody can carry a completely different feeling. That can make a song usable in a ceremony even if the original words would feel a little strange.
Give yourself permission to choose something obvious
The other trap is trying so hard to be original that you reject something you genuinely love because lots of other couples have used it.
There is nothing wrong with a popular wedding song if it means something to you.
I would much rather play a well-known piece that you are excited to hear than an obscure track chosen mainly so nobody can accuse you of being predictable.
Your guests are not scoring you for originality.
A shortlist is enough
If you are undecided, send a shortlist rather than forcing yourselves to settle everything in one sitting.
I can tell you which pieces work naturally on violin, which might need a different arrangement, where a track has an awkward introduction, and which one is likely to fit the length of the entrance better.
Sometimes hearing the melody played instrumentally makes the decision immediately obvious.
The main thing is not to turn choosing music into homework. You are allowed to pick songs because you like them. That is a perfectly good reason.
